Return of the Giant Hogw… er, Fern

Turn and run!
Nothing can stop them:
Around every river and canal their power is growing!

I recently wrote about finding scale fern plants from two suppliers. I decided to give the ferns sold by Scenic Express a try so I ordered a bunch and they arrived today. (Well, sort of: More on that in a moment.)

They are invincible:
They seem immune to all our herbicidal battering!

I opened a package and put four clusters of them – one package worth – under some in-progress trees in the Lynn Valley to see how they look:
Ferns photo GiantFerns-01_zps047e7247.jpg

Well, they’re very good looking, but…

As I noted in my previous posting, Scenic Express did not give a scale for these plants. Their website described them as approximately a half-inch tall.

They’re actually considerably taller.

Botanical creature stirs – seeking revenge
Royal beast did not forget.
Soon they escaped – spreading their seed
Preparing for an onslaught – threatening the human race!

Giant Ferns! Run! photo GiantFerns-02_zpsefdba853.jpg
(Poor guy: He doesn’t stand a chance.)

I definitely can use these plants. But as they stand, they’re about twice as high as the ferns in my back garden (which grow slightly taller than the deck of the baggage wagon). To make them work, I will snip apart the clusters into individual fronds and glue the pieces into the terrain as I detail this area. That’ll reduce their height to something realistic. As a bonus, I expect the finished scene will look much better with the fronds spread out more.

Experimenting with products and techniques isn’t confined to 70s prog-rock…

Heracleum mantegazziani!

One of the great things about ordering from Scenic Express is they always – without asking – provide a parcel tracking number. This makes it easy to track shipments online through either the USPS or Canada Post websites, or even via the Canada Post smart phone app. That helps me plan my day – I know whether I’m expecting an international package so I try to be home when the mail arrives in case there are taxes to pay.

Checking the app this morning, I saw that my ferns were to arrive today (“out for delivery” the app reported). The letter carrier arrived and had packages for both my wife and me – but no ferns. I didn’t think anything of it – maybe the package didn’t make it onto the truck.

So imagine my surprise when I checked the app about a half-hour later and the app reported “Package successfully delivered”! I checked the porch again: No package.

I suspected the box went to the wrong house. So I whistled for the dogs and they got another walk as we went around the neighbourhood looking for the letter carrier. Fortunately, I spotted the Canada Post delivery van a couple of blocks from home and caught up with the carrier.

We talked about it and I showed her the tracking info. I don’t think she’d ever seen the app. She told me that she’d delivered three packages to one other house on our street, and that someone had received them at the house. But she wouldn’t go back to check with them. So I did.

I rang the doorbell and explained the situation, and sure enough – my package had been delivered to the wrong address.

Bugs-FacePalm photo BugsFacePalm_zps5e999ba3.jpg
“Well, it says here that I delivered it somewhere, so I guess that’s been successfully delivered…”

7 thoughts on “Return of the Giant Hogw… er, Fern

  1. Love early Genesis…..Selling England by the Pound is right up there. As for Giant Hogweeds……..are they not poisonous? Don’t want to encourage noxious weed growth on the shores of Lake Erie. Truthfully though, they do look great in amongst your trees.

  2. That sounds like my Midvale, Utah Post Office, my carrier is a real nice lady, but delivery can be a challenge, and pick ups…well forget it. I get Netflix, and anytime I return those I have to drive to the post office and mail them from there. The last time I tried to use the mailbox at my apartment it sat there an entire week and was only picked up when I complained to the USPS website! The local people denied that what I was saying was the truth (called me a liar in other words). I’ve never had such issues with mail delivery, almost want to get a PO Box, but I’m too cheap!

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