Protecting the Nuclear Codes

Dear President of the United States:

I know that among your many duties, you carry the huge – I would even bet terrifying – responsibility of the codes to launch America’s nuclear arsenal. Obviously, they need to be readily accessible in times of emergency, but they also need to be kept safe from the world’s ne’er-do-wells. Fortunately, an answer is at hand.

First, become a model railway enthusiast. I bet the White House bowling alley would make an awesome layout room, once you levelled the floor. What’s more, this is a hugely rewarding hobby and before you know it, you’ll be up to your elbows in wiring and plaster and the problems of the world will be put into their proper perspective. Mideast peace… domestic terrorism… Bo’s dog-breath and Sunny’s leg-humping issue… all that stuff will share head space, as it should, with decisions about turnout size and brand of DCC.

“You’ve convinced me,” I hear you say, “but how does his help with the nuclear codes issue?”

Good question.

Since you’re a modern kinda guy, you’ll want to model a modern-era prototype. And I suggest S scale. Yeah, I know: S doesn’t have the same selection of goodies that the other scales have. But those other scales don’t have this:
Mini photo Mini-01_zps961db43f.jpg

This little Mini Cooper is not quite S scale – it’s 1:68 – but close enough, right? And while the Detroit automakers may bridle at this modern interpretation of a British icon appearing on your layout, nobody will give it a second glance.

But you’ll know better – because this is no ordinary die-cast vehicle:
Mini-USB photo Mini-02_zps7d0f52be.jpg

That’s right: It has a retractable USB interface. It’s actually a flash drive – and with 8Gb capacity there’s plenty of room for those nuclear codes.

Not only that, but the headlamps light up when it’s plugged into your computer, which is handy for finding it when you’re working in the dark – and, frankly, cool:
Mini-Lights photo Mini-03_zpsb049272f.jpg

I found my Mini USB drive at an office supply store here in Canada – but I’m sure you can find them in the United States, too.

As for the codes, I’m sure you see how this works:

First, you build an S scale layout. (And, by the way, have a great time doing it. Think about the possibilities: You can invite world leaders over for ops sessions – and you’ll be surprised how much that will move diplomacy forward. Unlike hosting games of Battleship or Risk – which foster a competitive, combative attitude – running a layout is all about working together. That can only be good for international relations!)

Second, instead of squirrelling away the nuclear codes in a safe (everybody’s going to look for a safe, after all) or in a briefcase locked to somebody’s wrist (which is darned inconvenient at dinner parties), you keep ’em safe and sound – and, most importantly, handy – in plain sight on your model railway. I ask you: How clever is that?

Just remember where you parked – and don’t model a Mini dealership.

Thanks for your time and as the Brits say, “Cheers!”

5 thoughts on “Protecting the Nuclear Codes

  1. I would also suggest that the President invite house and senate leaders over for an op session, in hopes that the session would facilitate a working together attitude. Unfortunately, I suspect that if one side of the house gets to run the yard, and the other side gets to be dispatcher, that the whole railroad will develop gridlock, with “corn field meet” stalemates everywhere.

  2. Years ago, Prieser offered a set of HO scale world leader figures including Pierre Trudeau and Ronald Reagan. They need to update their world politicians and make them in S scale. The guy with the “football” on The Daily Effort?

    And then there’d be the new sound that the layout would need, as the under-table speakers play “Hail to the Chief”… 🙂

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